When our friends leave us for their boyfriends/girlfriends...

Dear Diary,

It seems like when certain friends get a boyfriend they either disappear or I never see them without their boyfriend. It annoys the HELL out of me when a friend gets a new person in their life and forget what and who they had before their new "BOO" even came along. So WHACK!! What is it about love that makes people so oblivious to the people who loved and cared about them first?

Friends can hang, kick it, have their "girl talk" daily and all of a sudden ...that STOPS. No longer do ALL of the girls hang out together, because one is always with her "MAN" and either doesn't want to kick it any more, or she cant. How could any one just abandon the ones who care about them the MOST? I know I couldn't. Never have. Never Will. Guys come and go but TRUE friends are FOREVER! Its unfortunate that either some so called friends are too blind to see it or don't believe that.

Now don't get me wrong, in these situations in NOOOO way am i jealous or bitter. If my friends are truly happy in their new found relationship then I'm genuinely happy for them, as any friend should be. And I'm all for finding thee one, or at least having someone in your life that makes your heart skip a beat. As we get older we will begin to spend less time with our friends and more with significant others. But for two people to share every waking moment of the day and even night joined at the hip can be so sickening. In no way do I find this healthy. I don't see it being a good idea being around ANYONE 24/7. I believe that absence really can make the heart grow fonder.

I can really respect a women when she doesn't drop everything for a man or whomever shes dating. And for her to still make time to spend with her girls is beautiful. When a women leaves her friends abruptly then the friendship will eventually more or less die altogether...... Until they come crawling back... AFTER the break up. What do you think??

Divorce!!!!

Dear Diary,

Growing up as a child, teenager, and a young adult, i thought my parents would be together forever. I couldnt imagine them separated THEN and i cant NOW. I KNOW things werent perfect, no relationship is. I just never expected or wanted the result to end in divorce.

I always thought my mom was a little nutts for eloping to Las Vegas from Oakland and marrying my dad after only about 6 months (IF that) at the tender age of 18. But i figured it must have been love, to have done something so spontaneous and for it to have lasted 23 years. Several months ago she told me, she wasnt in love nor did she love my dad. Crazy? yeah i kno.. still doesnt make sense to me either.

About a week or 2 before I was due to go back to school to start my sophomore year in college, my mom told me she had filed for divorce. I knew it was coming just didnt want to except it. I was indenial. It wasnt real until i heard things were getting out of hand, and had really changed. Police, Restraining orders, Custody battle, dad moving out, and both having OTHER significant others.

But it wasnt until last months visit back home after 8 months that IT HIT ME!! My parents were NO longer living with one another. For 19 years of my life, my parents have been and lived under the same house. And all of a sudden, that ended. Now it was just me my little sister and either one of our parents. Not a day that went by during that weeks visit that I didnt break down and cry from the Hurt, Frustration, Anger, Sadness, Disappointment, and Loneliness that I was feeling inside. My mom, Sis, and I even shared tears.

This whole divorce has been a BATTLE for my whole family. Ive felt like i had to pick sides, though my parents told me not to and i dont have to. But when they talk harshly of eachother to me, its hard. I dont know who to believe.My dad wanted me to meet his "gf" .. Hell NO!! what makes him think i want to meet her. My mom understood that i didnt care to meet her "bf" either. Its hard enough that they're not together, but for them to already have people they're pursuing BLOWS MY MIND!!!

It was pretty sad that my dad did not want to go church on Easter with me and my sister because i told him my mom was going to be there. that was RIDICULOUS. If they both cant even go to the same church, then I doubt if theyll ever be able to be under the same roof together. So upsetting!! I want them both to be in attendance at my graduation, wedding, baby showers, etc.. with out any drama, or Hard Feelings.

Through this divorce I've felt very alone and unsure of it all. It was and IS very hard, and feels impossible to cope with. Im just taking it day by day!! (feeling a lil blue today)

I've Changed??

So lately, it seems like people feel as though Iv changed. From my mother, ex, high school friend, etc..I really dont think so, But if i have, so what! Arent people suppose to change and grow? Are people suppose to stay the same their whole lives? Umm i dont think so! With all that has been going on in my life these past 8 months, people couldnt possibly expect me to stay the same.

I believe, perhaps Im trying to find myself and what makes me happy. I KNOW at times, i can be more of a B*tch, a little bitter, and have more of an attitude, but probably because my LIFE isnt fufilled, and Im not 100% happy. I dont think these people in my life should judge me. I do care how they see me, however WHAT MATTERS MOST IS HOW I SEE >MYSELF