JayOnce'

So word is Jay -Z finally knocked up is wifey Beyonce'. Its about time shes nearing 30 and hes in his 40s. Someone suggested that Bey couldnt let A Keys and Swizz Beatz out do her. Im sure JayOnce' will be a musical Genius not only (Egypt) We'll have to look out for in 11 years. Im sure the Illuminati will have a "christening" for their most anticipated newest member. If a boy however, I have no doubt in my mind that Jay will be comparing his son to Jesus, being that he's compared himself to GOD. smh I just Hope lil Jayonce' gets their moms looks.

"Women are Fun to play with, but I sure DON'T want one for a LIFE PARTNER"

Last night one of my friends told me I was going to be single for the rest of my life, and suggested that i might need a girlfriend.? I thought it was the perfect time to write about finding love in the same sex. Many women whom seek love in another woman claim that they are "FED UP" with men, for they have had negative, unhealthy, stressful relationships with them. They claim ALL men are Low Down, Scandalous, Trifling, NO good, Good For Nothing DOGS.. lol Don't get me wrong, many men have these qualities, and i can NOT name 1 woman i know that has NOT had their fair share, not even myself. BUT I'm not Ignorant to the fact there has to be SOME GOOD MEN out there.

Women who say they are going to be gay because ALL men are Dogs is whack and immature to me. Same goes for when a black women says I'm NOT Dating black men anymore. Love is color blind. Just as you can find love in any color, race, ethnicity etc YOU CAN also find love in any gender. (its just taboo to do so) So if a woman wants to switch it up, it should be for the right reasons. NOT because she is bitter and scorned but for LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP.

If a female seeks interest in another woman more POWER to them. Love is BEAUTIFUL, regardless of sexual orientation. I wasn't opposed to the idea, but I KNOW where my heart is. Though I'm probably lonely 70% or more of the time and have been single going on 5 years (lol) I try and not let that discourage me. I KNOW what i want NEED and DESERVE and i Refuse to settle for anything less than that. I remain optimistic that God will eventually Bless me with the man he feels is right for me, as he has in the past.

Why would i involve myself romantically with a woman and possibly get attached, when ultimately i want a LIFE (male) partner whom i can start a family with.? I'm not thinking for NOW and i don't want INSTANT GRATIFICATION. I'm thinking long term, and for me, a homosexual relationship would be far from that. Women are fun to play with, but I sure don't want one for a life partner.

(I chose purple because today has been declared Spirit Day. Wear purple to raise awareness of and honor the 8 gay teens who recently took their lives) :)

He Only wants RELATIONS!!

As I grow and mature it has been quite evident that women go day in and day out looking for their next Mr. Right. While men on the other hand are looking for their next Mrs. Right NOW!! The way women view men and relationships, are a complete 180 from the View of a mans'. Most women want someone they can call their own, confide in, cuddle with, enjoy their company, etc...overall A male companion. Men however, view women and relationships like a sport. Most men dont even use the word relationship. Cut the last 3 letters from it and to put it simply, they just want RELATIONS.

My homeboy was telling me the other day about his friends, whom are well established figures in the Entertainment industry, and how they have mutiple women. He went to telling me how HARD they go when it comes to "Knocking Down" females. He told me that they had women in damn near every area code. "When they touch down in a city they just hit em up and knock em down." And all I could think is, Daamn!! Now i wonder how many of those women know they are just 1 of many women, and if they cared or not. My homeboy continued to Boast on how these two men are Living The Life, F*cking a different woman, (FINE WOMEN) damn near every night, and how they Don't Plan on stopping any time soon. These two Bachelors come across women who are worthy of being wifed but they say "Fuck Marriage".

It is in a mans' nature to want to be conquerers and want to be with more than one woman. But it is also in a womans' nature to love and to be loved, nurtured, protected etc.. Where does that leave everyone? Women will continue to F*ck these men whom want nothing more then Instant Gratification, and will continue to mistake physical stimulation with an Emotional one. So at the end of the day, men get what they want, because us women give it to them. All men see women as an opportunity to gain sexual satisfaction and fullfillment. And women are left, sexually used and probably even more lonely and empty then before. We women want something that men temporarily refuse to or are not capable of giving us. So we are left to either wait and be alone with no one to be exclusive with, or find Love in our fellow female counterparts. (ill touch on that in another entry) Its just really Unfortunate *Trey Songz*.

Live Your Life Dont Think About ME

Many people need to live their lives and dont think about me. I hate for someone to tell me how to live my life. I cant help but be annoyed with associates and family members telling me how to live my life. This Is MY LIFE. Live your own life the way you want. Its one thing for a person to give suggestions on certain aspects of life experiences and not wanting me to make the same mistakes, i get that, i understand that, i APPRECIATE that. But its one thing for a person to act Holier than thou, and act as if their life is in order. Then try to down me for my "wrong doings" (according to them) and actions. People are so quick to give their opinion on what I do, the things I SAY, the CLOTHES I wear, the PHOTOS I take etc... I DO WHAT I WANT. I dont go by "the book". Im old enough to make my own decsions and even deal with possible consequences of my actions. I've made pretty good decisions through out my life, and if not I learn from them. I mind my OWN BUSINESS, why does it seem so difficult for others to do the same? Other peoples actions, the things they say, the photos they take are ALL THEM. They are EXPRESSING themselves. If its not harming me, I really dont give a damn. Thats their Life, not MINE. I wish certain individuals would do the same, and just let me LIVE!! They need to live their Life and NOT think about ME!

Why are you soo Thirsty for Followers??

So let me start off by saying if you dont have a TWITTER Account #KILLYOURSELF!!

Twitter is pretty much the next best thing to sliced Bread (who ever made that saying up any way? #imjustsaying) lol Twitter is a free social networking and microblogging service that enables its users to send and read messages known as tweets.

So awhile back PInky @therealpinkyxxx tweeted that if your not promoting anything then why do you want or even need alot of followers? and I was like, thats so true. People constantly tweet they need more followers, or lost some followers, etc..BUT FOR WHAT? If your not promoting anything such as your own business, your hustle, job, or career then whats the point in having a lot of followers? People are obsessed with quantity. The more followers they have the more important they feel. Its a Self Esteem Booster. The number of people who choose to receive your tweets doesnt validate you being a "LEADER" or being "cool". People, be content with the amount of followers you have, geesh! People so badly want to be known, seen, & heard, BUT FOR WHAT? They most likely dont have sh*t to say. So people stop being so damn dry mouthed & thirsty for so many followers, you probably really need to tweet is..... "Dont Follow Me, IM LOST TOO"

P.S. fOLLOw Me @247BritneyLove lol... I joke, i joke

When our friends leave us for their boyfriends/girlfriends...

Dear Diary,

It seems like when certain friends get a boyfriend they either disappear or I never see them without their boyfriend. It annoys the HELL out of me when a friend gets a new person in their life and forget what and who they had before their new "BOO" even came along. So WHACK!! What is it about love that makes people so oblivious to the people who loved and cared about them first?

Friends can hang, kick it, have their "girl talk" daily and all of a sudden ...that STOPS. No longer do ALL of the girls hang out together, because one is always with her "MAN" and either doesn't want to kick it any more, or she cant. How could any one just abandon the ones who care about them the MOST? I know I couldn't. Never have. Never Will. Guys come and go but TRUE friends are FOREVER! Its unfortunate that either some so called friends are too blind to see it or don't believe that.

Now don't get me wrong, in these situations in NOOOO way am i jealous or bitter. If my friends are truly happy in their new found relationship then I'm genuinely happy for them, as any friend should be. And I'm all for finding thee one, or at least having someone in your life that makes your heart skip a beat. As we get older we will begin to spend less time with our friends and more with significant others. But for two people to share every waking moment of the day and even night joined at the hip can be so sickening. In no way do I find this healthy. I don't see it being a good idea being around ANYONE 24/7. I believe that absence really can make the heart grow fonder.

I can really respect a women when she doesn't drop everything for a man or whomever shes dating. And for her to still make time to spend with her girls is beautiful. When a women leaves her friends abruptly then the friendship will eventually more or less die altogether...... Until they come crawling back... AFTER the break up. What do you think??

Divorce!!!!

Dear Diary,

Growing up as a child, teenager, and a young adult, i thought my parents would be together forever. I couldnt imagine them separated THEN and i cant NOW. I KNOW things werent perfect, no relationship is. I just never expected or wanted the result to end in divorce.

I always thought my mom was a little nutts for eloping to Las Vegas from Oakland and marrying my dad after only about 6 months (IF that) at the tender age of 18. But i figured it must have been love, to have done something so spontaneous and for it to have lasted 23 years. Several months ago she told me, she wasnt in love nor did she love my dad. Crazy? yeah i kno.. still doesnt make sense to me either.

About a week or 2 before I was due to go back to school to start my sophomore year in college, my mom told me she had filed for divorce. I knew it was coming just didnt want to except it. I was indenial. It wasnt real until i heard things were getting out of hand, and had really changed. Police, Restraining orders, Custody battle, dad moving out, and both having OTHER significant others.

But it wasnt until last months visit back home after 8 months that IT HIT ME!! My parents were NO longer living with one another. For 19 years of my life, my parents have been and lived under the same house. And all of a sudden, that ended. Now it was just me my little sister and either one of our parents. Not a day that went by during that weeks visit that I didnt break down and cry from the Hurt, Frustration, Anger, Sadness, Disappointment, and Loneliness that I was feeling inside. My mom, Sis, and I even shared tears.

This whole divorce has been a BATTLE for my whole family. Ive felt like i had to pick sides, though my parents told me not to and i dont have to. But when they talk harshly of eachother to me, its hard. I dont know who to believe.My dad wanted me to meet his "gf" .. Hell NO!! what makes him think i want to meet her. My mom understood that i didnt care to meet her "bf" either. Its hard enough that they're not together, but for them to already have people they're pursuing BLOWS MY MIND!!!

It was pretty sad that my dad did not want to go church on Easter with me and my sister because i told him my mom was going to be there. that was RIDICULOUS. If they both cant even go to the same church, then I doubt if theyll ever be able to be under the same roof together. So upsetting!! I want them both to be in attendance at my graduation, wedding, baby showers, etc.. with out any drama, or Hard Feelings.

Through this divorce I've felt very alone and unsure of it all. It was and IS very hard, and feels impossible to cope with. Im just taking it day by day!! (feeling a lil blue today)